The first great idea has to do with the Deficit. Notice the capital D. It is THE villain in our society, stealing from our children, stopping us from eradicating poverty, killing our elderly, and making it hard for all of us to sleep knowing that the Deficit is waiting just around the corner. It is the grown up monster under the bed, but this monster doesn’t want to take us to where the wild things are; it wants to take us to China, Japan, and the Brazil for an auction. Mount Rushmore? Sold to Brazil, moving right next to Christ the Redeemer. Statue of Liberty? Sold to Japan for an anime make over. The lines at Disney World? Head to the Great Wall! Do I have your attention yet? Good, because I am about to drop some good news into your lap like a bad waiter with a bowl of scalding tomato bisque with those awesome garlic croutons now floating over your nether regions.
We can get out of debt in about five minutes. You heard me right, five minutes, and I am not talking about printing more currency or just writing some law to leave our debtors hanging. We have the greatest resource on the planet here in the good ol’ US of A, and we just need to flip it for a profit. What could I possibly be talking about? I have three letters for you: N S A. Yes, you are now seeing where I am going. If not, it will be soon abundantly clear. People are asking why does the government need all that personal information on every MAN, WOMAN, and CHILD that is in the United States. Hey, for all we know it also has the goods on anybody who has ever visited the United States, talked or emailed an American citizen, or used anything created in the USA. (Now the last piece of that is getting smaller every day, but that is for a Great Idea later.) That is a huge stockpile of information. What is all that information good for? I see you thinking. Yes, it is for stopping terrorists from destroying more of China’s assets in the USA. Hey, I like Disney and takeout as much as the next person, but that is less than 1% of 1% of 1% of 1% of the information gathered. (It may be a few more 1%s, but I have not sent this to my fact checker yet.) Many people don’t care that Uncle Sam knows what they ordered from A1 Kitchen, or about those cute sandals they ordered from Amazon, or even how they almost got caught by their husband and that’s why the soap is missing. You know who does care about all that? The great American advertising and merchandising juggernaut, that’s who. They are starving for more data all the time, and they currently pay companies to bother you day and night to discover what happened to the soap.
Yes ladies and gentlemen, and kids too, we are all inclusive here, we simply charge for access to all that personal information. It will all be used, every scrap of it, and since it is all collected without you ever feeling it, it is a win-win scenario. You get the benefit of the deficit being wiped out for good. Taxes would shrink to lows not seen in like two, maybe three years. The NSA would serve two purposes, the great protectors from terror and the destroyers of the Deficit. They look like knights in shining armor. Best off, you get targeted ads that really help you with your life, including real time offers on liquid soap before the husband comes home from the store. Write your congressman. Phone your senator. The NSA will hear you and let the president know. This is a no brainer, perfect for this group of politicians.
So long for now, but tune in next time when I will take care of our gun problem in such a way that everyone, including the gutter-snipe-bang-bang artists win.
Big Ideas of a Foolish Prophet 